Going Down For The Third Time

We, not other people, own our depression. When we are depressed the words and actions of others have exaggerated importance in our self-worth and on our decision making. We can begin to use people to make us feel happier which is a burden no one can bear for long. We can believe other people and their feelings and actions are the source or cause of our depression. Our view of ourselves and others can become fixed and we can't imagine our feelings changing. We become stuck. 

A parent making a wise decision can find themselves dealing with a toddler pouting and whining to get their way, demanding that they be made happy. A parent can guide their teenager safely with a limit or restriction, only to be accused of ruining their lives. Both are immature perceptions by a child to caring adult input. When we are depressed we can mentally put others in a parental or care taker role, allowing ourselves to become emotionally volitile and react with immature responses.

When we are depressed we get caught up in unrealistic emotional role play with those closest to us and can become enmeshed in distorted perceptions, unable to process input from others accurately. Someone voicing worry and frustration from fear for us or chafing under the burden of our happiness can seem critical and rejecting when they are not, and our unhealthy dependence on their view of us allows us to devalue ourselves further.

Victory over depression and mature emotional responses begin with taking responsibility for parenting ourselves wisely and lovingly, as we would our beloved children. We also must accept that what we think and feel is not necessarily the truth. Since we cannot change other people as much as we would love to, we can only consider our own misperceptions and distortions of emotional reality. We must know our inner tuner is emotionally off station, before we can begin to change anything about ourselves. Then the hard work can begin.

A dial has to be turned, a button pushed, an antena wiggled, to change the station of a radio and hear new music.  New perceptions are in the air all around us like radio waves, but they must be tuned in, and like a radio dial, our bodies need to physically move for our senses to tune in to new melodies of life.  

Take a baby step, a real one. Start small. Sit in the sun, go for a walk, watch the waves lap a shore, get out into the woods-change your environment for no reason other than your pleasure. Get your hands moving with something you can finish in a reasonable amount of time; get dirt under your fingernails by planting or gardening, repair something, clean up a small mess or organize a drawer, play ball with your dog or rummy with a friend, get crafty-draw, paint, write, compose, sing, play-DO some small thing, anything, to change your external input.  Take baby step after baby step until the song of life and the confidence of taking action finds place in your mind and joy begins to color your thoughts more often, and if you fall, have the faith of a child to pick yourself up and begin again.